Monday, January 10, 2011

A bit down but trying to get back up

I have almost always had baggage with my birthday. I think it started when I was 12. On my 12th birthday, my aunt killed herself. The next day would have been her birthday. He husband had died the year before and I always figured she couldn't live on her own. Which is I guess a bit of irony since I did perfectly well with twice the children. But maybe the real reason was growing old. Those crinkles at the edge of my eyes are getting more noticeable. I am not so sure about this whole thing.
Getting old is not fun. I am not enjoying myself. I don't like all the aches and pains that accompany my increase in age. I don't like the problems with my hormones or lack thereof.
I am thinking of refusing to grow old. How about celebrating the anniversary of my 40th birthday? It could be the second anniversary of my 40th. I can call it new math. My students think I am old at 40 - so, just stopping there would be fine. There would be the slight problem of being younger than my little brother. But no one ever guesses my real age anyways....

1 comment:

WomanWhoRunsWithHorses said...

Those little wrinkles at the corners of your eyes are LAUGH LINES, sweetie ...it's all in your perspective!

At the very worst times in our lives, who of us hasn't thought it would just be so much easier to just STOP HERE? But look back at those worst times now. How many joys have come into your life since then? Big ones like Jesse and Isabelle for me, and Gerry and Robbie for you. Even little ones like a spectacular sunset or a completely unexpected kindness from someone you know, or even someone you don't know.

I think we each have to finish the book that God wrote for our lives. It's not an easy read. There will be happy chapters and sad chapters and hilarious chapters. But unless we finish the whole book, we'll never understand the story He gave us.

I love you guys!

: )