Saturday, February 18, 2006


I sometimes get overwhelmed by the actions of my oldest daughter. She makes choices that are not thought out or are just plain stupid. She makes these decisions for attention. She likes to be the center of everything and will do really stupid things to get that attention.
Thursday she chose to wear her father's knee brace because her knee hurt. The girl has never damaged her knee nor has any problem with joint disease. She weighs 100 lbs maybe and her father weighs 250. It was for attention. I asked her why asprin, tylenol or advil was not a better choice. I tried to explain to her that her that if she had a headache that a neck brace was not needed.
This morning Kelsey decided to throw up on the bathroom floor. She is not "sick" and I am not a mean mom. You could hear her making herself gag until she threw up. And throwing up in front of the toliet, and only on the tile floor takes talent. She did it for the attention and probably to get out of chores. She cleaned it up, and is now laying in bed.
Kelsey has a problem with making good choices. She has either bipolar or border line personality, the diagnosis is still up in the air. Could be both. She just got bad genes. We have her on medication and have had to have her hospitalized.
The stress in dealing with her is great. I don't know how to handle her sometimes. I wish that kids came with a magic button that would make them all better. My biggest fear is that she will be a teenage mother and that I will have to raise the child because she can't get her shit together and ruin her life.
Optimistic aren't I?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

My Very First Memory

That is a hard prompt to answer. Mainly because I have blocked so much of my childhood from my mind. My parents didn't mean to be such terrible parents, or at least I hope that they didn't. My mother was bipolar, and couldn't deal with much of anything. My father was a pedafile who is now in jail. I am proud to say that I put him there. My mother died in 2001 from a stomach virus that was helped along with too much morphine in her system. Did my dad have something to do with that? I think so.
My best memories are of my grandparents. They were the stability of my childhood. Without them I would be some criminal or a drug addict or exotic dancer or worse. Boy this is a bummer prompt!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's day is an over commercialized holiday. Too much expectation is placed into one day.
I have a soul mate whom I love and adore, but forget the stupid holiday.
And that is all I have to say about that...